six things every girl will ALWAYS have in her purse:
- another smaller purse
- an aging picture of ringo starr
- a six pack of heineken
- the complete box set of every season of Deadliest Catch
- the hat you thought you lost at Disneyland when you were 5
- a tiny, infinitely dense marble that contains our own universe
- Welcome to Night Vale episode 27: First Date (via bedazzledbee)
Submitted by cameoappearance.
[#162. Asexuals are closely related to sharks and have entirely cartilaginous skeletons and the ability to regrow their teeth.]
Today celebrates Canada declaring its independence from the evil Moose People of Saskatoon. For 300 years the Moose People ruled Canada with an iron fist. Riding on mooseback and carrying large whips they would force the Canadians to work in the maple syrup mines. They felt they were generous leaders because they paid the workers with bacon. But this was no bacon at all. It was ham that they called bacon.
Finally the people got fed up with the harsh working conditions and fake bacon. They rose up against the Moose People and said, “That’s not bacon, eh!” They fashioned weapons from petrified syrup and fought the Moose People into near extinction. With each blow of their petrified syrup swords they would say, “Oh dear. Really sorry boot that, eh.”
Then on July 1, 1867 the last of the Moose People were dead and the Canadians declared that they were free.
If television has taught me anything, it’s that between Sunnydale and Beacon Hills, no one should live in small town California if they don’t want to be violently murdered.